Tossing batting practice while trying to gather money from 4 million of my closest friends to purchase one of the original Rocky statues now for sale in Philadelphia.



Hey the Sox are in first place!!!!!! I guess it’s officially spring now in New England. Like Kansas collapsing in the NCAA tournament, a Kenyan winning the Marathon and the Bruins laying down and dying in the playoffs, the Sox climbing into first place in May gives us Bostonians the full assurance that good weather is here. The subsequent collapse out of playoff contention isn’t noticed until it summer is nearly over.

Given the last few years of the sox in first only to suck for the month of June, I can’t even bring myself to gloat at the demise of the Yankees in recent weeks.

A horse is a horse of course of course, and no one can talk to a horse of course: But if someone could talk to Funny Cide (maybe his official biographer) would he ask about the incident with the clippers.

Ok I promise I wont make any Trot Nixon jokes during the course of this column.

Dallas and San Antonio are actually further apart from each other than Boston and New York.

Which is worse driving down I-35 seeing nothing but cattle from Dallas to San Antonio, or being forced to drive through Connecticut which I am convinced is much larger than it appears on a map?

Yesterday the Nets and Piston combined for 150 points yesterday. Last weekend the Mavericks scored 140, granted it was double overtime, but the Mavs did also score 83 points in one half in that series.

Pop Quiz: can you name five guys and the head coach of the Detroit Pistons.

The Ducks have just pulled the goalie and Minnesota still can’t score

Ok if you know me well enough you know I had to say something about this. Arizona and UCLA advanced to the NCAA softball World Series yesterday. In a related note, the sun came out yesterday.

I think I was one of about seven people who watched the softball game ESPN2 televised yesterday. Jennie Finch, the hottest female athlete on earth, was the color commentator, this is blasphemous to write but, how the hell did she graduate with a communications degree? If ESPN is going to keep her on they better utilize a little box in the corner with her pictured, otherwise even I wont be able to watch softball in TV.

Tigers pitcher Mike Maroth, still winless, lost his ninth game of the season yesterday. The Detriot News headline used the phrase “Hard Luck.” At what point do you go from hard luck to just plain awful?

How the hell do the Mariners have the best record in the American League? Freddy Garcia has been awful this year, Ichiro had the worst April of his life. Now he is on fire this month. Edgar Martinez, despite having both feet in his grave, has hit .333 this year. Gil Meche (???????) has picked up the slack for Garcia, and taken over the role of staff ace. This could be a tough team to beat down the stretch, but they are still the Mariners.

Did Aaron and Brett Boone receive a family discount for steroids over the winter? Aaron has 13 home runs and Brett has 10 so far this season.

Insert Mike Piazza pulled groin/sexuality joke here______________________________